Beyond You

Random Musings

2009-04-02T22:27:00.002+05:30

I saw a huge hoarding of some Chatrapati Yoga Maharaj (what a terrible name to have!) who has decided to go an indefinite hunger strike against terrorism (or something along those lines) in a glass room.
Now I have two questions
1) How does it help if Mr. Yoga Maharaj goes on a hunger strike? Does he think Osama Bin Laden is going to be moved to tears by his thoughtful gesture and permanently renounce his activities?

2) Why, I mean WHY a glass room? He can fast if he wants to. There are plenty of loonies like him craving for publicity. But why a glass room? I have no issues with glass rooms as such but still! What difference is it going to make if the room is made of glass or wood? All the photographers who he thinks are going to hound him can click his pictures in any room! Or does Mr. Laden have a fancy for glass rooms…?

Have you ever come across a disinterested beggar at a signal? He will come up to you so lethargically and ask for money. Even while he is asking for money he will be looking at something else, completely disinterested in you or your money. He won’t persist if you refuse. He will just walk away without looking back.
I mean seriously atleast try to make me feel sorry for you! Make me want to give you some money! Don’t just do it for the sake of doing it! It is your job. Shouldn’t you take it seriously?
I can hear a lot of people clicking their tongues at me for making fun of poor people. I’ll stop now. Please don’t hate me.

I was watching the news this afternoon. The CBI has given Jagdish Tytler a clean chit in the 1984 riots case and needless to say the Sikhs have not taken this news too kindly. So they decided to protest outside the Congress HQ. In a symbolic protest, some random man was playing a dummy Jagdish Tytler and 5 others were pretending to hit him with a chappal. One bloke there took his job a little too seriously and was actually thrashing that guy with his chappal. Honestly it was rather funny! Poor Mr. dummy Tytler! I’ll bet that’s not what he expected when he signed up for that job.

See disinterested beggars? This is what you call taking your job seriously :)

2009-03-12T19:00:00.002+05:30

Do you remember the show ‘Kids Say the Darndest Things’ hosted by Bill Cosby? For those who haven’t seen that show, Cosby used to interview these kids who said the most amusing things unintentionally and with such innocence. Now see those were the good old days when kids were kids-untouched by consumerism, technology and all that jazz. But kids these days…..tsk tsk…

My closest friends call me Twiggy. Not too many people know the story behind that. We were shooting for some project in Dobu’s building and we needed a few kids for the shoot. There was this group of kids playing nearby and so we went and asked them. You know how every group has this jackass who thinks he is supercool? Well, this group had one too. This ten year old boy looks at me and goes, “Oh my god! She looks like a twig!” And I was too shocked to respond. When I was ten, I would never have even thought of insulting a random stranger. I’m not even sure I knew what a twig was when I was ten! And that is how i came to be known as Twiggy...
***
I was walking on the street today and there was this little girl who was a little over 2 feet walking behind me. Now she kept stepping on my chappals and I almost tripped thanks to her. I didn’t expect a sorry or anything but then she walked ahead of me, looked back and gave ME a disgusted look! And I’m like, wait I second did I do something wrong here? Now I can’t just let that kid get away with something like that. So I stuck my tongue out at her and made an equally disgusted face. Aha! Take that! Sorry Missy, two can play at that game!

2008-11-02T00:02:00.003+05:30

You are not my adversary, but my enemy
You are the master and I am your slave

You laugh at my tears
You mock my struggles

You killed my soul
You crushed my spirit and throttled my dreams
And look what I have become

You made me a widow
You made me an orphan

You made me feel rage
You made me feel helpless
You made me feel like a pariah

You are the face of terror
You are the oppressor
You are the murderer
And I am your faceless victim.......

A Strange Meeting

2008-10-08T22:17:00.000+05:30

“Do you know what’s wrong with the world today?” I asked him, breaking the silence. He seemed slightly taken aback and looked around for a while before he realized I was talking to him. He opened his mouth to answer but changed his mind at the last minute and just shook his head.

It was very unlike me to be talking to a complete stranger, a random guy sitting next to me in the park. But for the first time in my life I didn’t care. He didn’t know me. He wouldn’t judge me. He might just think that I’m insane; but it’s not like I’m ever going to meet him again in any case! And besides, I had no one else to talk to. Or should I say no one else who would listen to me.

“Everything is a lie. Everyday is a lie. Look at all these people around you. See that man running there? He looks confident and smart right? The kind of person who is in control. But I’ll bet he is looking over his shoulder and wondering if anyone can see through his charade. See that woman on the phone? The one who is smiling? I’m sure there is a lie behind that smile. Look at them! Each one appears so happy, so content and secure. But if you can look through them, you’ll realize that each one is thinking about how miserable his or her life is. Each one is trying to deal with his fallacies, his limitations but each one puts up this façade of confidence. We all go through the rigours of life pretending to be happy so that no one sees that we are vulnerable. It’s all one big lie I tell you!”

He looked straight into my eyes and listened intently as I kept ranting away. I had to admit, it felt nice to have someone to open up to. Even if it was someone I didn’t know. Atleast this guy didn’t get up and walk away like the others.

“You know, we kid ourselves into believing we are something we are not. And then we spend out whole lives trying to live up to that. We…I…I made myself believe that I had talent and potential and that I was going to make it big. Sadly at some point reality always catches up with you. And there it stands with a sadistic smile all set to brutally murder your make-believe world.”

He wasn’t that bad looking. His rimless glasses and immaculate attire gave him a very sophisticated look. His intense brown eyes had this intriguing aura to it. It was almost as if he could see right into your soul.

“I thought I could write. Everyone besides me doesn’t seem to think so. I’m pretty much a failure. Not a single thing I have written has ever been published; another day, another rejection. And it is strange because I always believed that this is what I was meant to do, you know. Writing was my purpose, my mission in life. Do you believe we all come into this world with a pre-destined mission? That there is a reason for our existence? Have you found your purpose in life?”

He shifted a little and cleared his throat. Suddenly he seemed ill at ease.

“Oh! I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to pry. It is none of my business is it? I guess I got carried away. I…I….I should be heading now. Thank you for listening to me. And I didn’t mean to tell you my sob story and disturb you. It all just…came out. I feel so much better right now, just having someone to listen to me. Thank you…You have no idea how grateful I am…I’ll never forget you...I don’t even know your name. What’s….Actually never mind, it is probably better like this. Goodbye.”

I stood up and turned my back towards him. I let out a sigh and took a few tentative steps. I smiled for no apparent reason and continued walking. Suddenly I stopped to take one last look at my silent, mysterious farishta. I turned around and saw him get up. He walked into the crowds and the last thing I remember seeing before being thrown backwards was his body exploding as a huge blast ripped through the park.

Random Thoughts..

2008-08-28T21:53:00.004+05:30

What does on in a man's head before he dies?

Does he see the famous white light

Or does he see the darkness that lies ahead?

Does he see ghosts from his past

Or does he see his future vanishing?

Does he see his friends and family

Or does he see the ones he hurt?

Does he feel justified for the path he has chosen

Or does he regret his deeds?

Is he thankful for the graces he received

Or does he depart with bitterness at the oppourtunties missed?

Does he feel he needs a second chance

Or does he wish his ordeal will finally end?

Does he wonder if he'll be missed

Or is his last breath a sigh of relief,

That the world will finally be rid of him?

Fool's Paradise

2008-07-24T20:11:00.005+05:30

This is in response to Henna's post...

I used to be an idealist until i realised i was being an idiot. So well the kinda world i wanted to live in then and now has changed a bit.... Im not proud of it, but here goes...

1) I wanted to live in a world where people wouldnt be apathetic and oblivious to the suffering around them. And today I have become just that...

2) I wanted to live in a world where people lived according to their convictions and principles. And somwhere along the line, i lost mine.

3) I wanted to live in a world where people stood up for a cause, fought for what is right and lived with the knowledge that they contributed, in some way, in making this world a better place. Today, i have given up on all the issues that were close to my heart, issues i was passionate about...i know i have done nothing significant in my life...

4) I wanted to live in a world where i knew i was being a good person. Today, i feel everything but that...

5) oh and yeah..a world where there is 'world peace.....' heheheheheehehe

ps- yeah i know this is a very emotional and personal post and its very unlike me to be even talking about these things publicly. i dunno why i am writing about all of this here, but yeah, its not like any of you care anyway...;)

blame it on cats, monkeys and chaddi!

2008-07-15T20:46:00.006+05:30

Once upon a time, there lived a boy I cant name. If i did name this boy, he would kill my family and castrate my cat (and if you havent got whom in talking about already, then you really are daft!).

Now this boy is quite a character. Besides having a gay homophobic boyfriend (dont ask...its complicated...), he also has this weird fixation with silver shiny objects. Now you can give this man a million dollars and be sure that he would keep it safely but never...and i repeat...never... entrust him with any breakable object...not even chalk! This boy who cant be named will watch the most violent, bloody movies on earth and trick others into watching them too...but his favorite movie is kuck kuch hota hain...!!!

The genesis of his retardedness lies in a tragic tale of cats and monkeys which left him scarred for life. But since i fear for my security, I shall refrain from narrating that story....

But do not be afraid, ladies and gentlemen, of this specimen. He is rather nice once you get used to him and his sense of humour. He is quite a sport actually and is even willing to risk embarrassment and dance with dobu and me. And yes, someday the two of us plan to start a band...be afraid...very very afraid!

He might do a lot of stupid things but his heart is in the right place. When you are in the worst of moods you can call the bugger...He will give you the suckiest advice on earth but he will manage to cheer you up nonetheless. And last but not the least, the imagery of him and amogh doing..er...will stay with me forever.....PEACE!!

Ps- I know, I know, I should update my blog more often...

To set the record straight...

2008-05-31T21:57:00.003+05:30

For one last time, let me clarify....

1) i DONT hate kids...

2) i DONT throw up in the bathroom after i eat...

3) i DONT hate the people you think i do...

4) i DONT look like dev anand/yoda...

5) i am NOT tiny/small/little/short...

6) i am NOT mean only to chillam...

7) deepak thumb is JUST a lollypop...no really!!!

2008-05-30T11:15:00.002+05:30

I am still alive. Barely.

bucket list

2008-04-17T20:14:00.004+05:30

I'm dying. I don't know how many more days I have to live. You see I suffer from this disease called boredom. How and why I suffer from this disease is a long and painful story. So I will spare you the details. Lets just say boredom does a lot of things to you. It makes you angry. It makes you irritable and it makes you reflect. So i made my bucket list. The things i want to do before i die...........

1) Get a tattoo
2) Go sky diving
3) Go backpacking through Europe
4) Get completely sloshed
5) Climb Mount Everest
6) Go scuba diving
7) Drive a rickshaw
8) Run a marathon
9) Spot a tiger in the wild
10) Dance on the streets in the rain

the art of bargaining

2008-04-12T00:34:00.003+05:30

i wish there were Art of Bargaining classes. I so desperately need to learn how to haggle with subziwalas and phoolwalas and machiwalas(i dunno why i would haggle with macchiwalas since im a vegetarian...but still!). I get stick from a lot of people over my inept bargaining skills.

Example:

sharanya and i went to buy a bouquet for someone's wedding with strict instructions from my mom to bargain. so my "bargaining" attempt goes likes this....

"bhaiya. yeh kitne ka hain?"

"150"

"140 mein dhoge please?"

"nahi"

"acha yeh lijeye 150....thank you!"

Now compare this with my friend Janvi's superhuman bargaining skills...she goes to a shop(not on linking road or fs or anyway of those places you would associate with getting stuff for half the price after haggling) and browbeats the poor shopkeeper into giving her a bag that cost like 500 for 350!!! And i just stand there and watch awe struck(and embarrassed!!!).

I'm like every shopkeeper's dream customer...I can never see myself arguing over 10 bucks.its just not worth the effort...and that would probably explain why im always broke....:(

a year gone by......

2008-04-01T22:09:00.006+05:30

In reponse to Henna's tag......pls dont mind this extremely senti post......

I find it hard to believe that we have already finished one year of bmm....i have had some amazing times, met some amazing people and made the best of friends this year....

firstly my group- i was sceptical abt working with you guys initially but i was so wrong!! we have had so much fun doing all our projects n surprisingly no fights!!lim sure thats a first!!still waiting for limbu cricket....

looli what would i ever do without you man?????you have been my guru in you know what;)shit how much i troubled you in that matter...lol....i know i can count on you n trust you completely....n i still have all your retarded messages baldy!!! :P:P:P btw gimme my damn tshirt n the cd for gods sake!!!

dobu you are the best!!! a complete entertainer....you n your sad jokes......i can never forget your shoes ka incident..lol...oh and the best part- imitating looli's accent...waaa waaas that aabout??oohh and of courses all our retarded dances!!!hahahaha..

sharu i got to know you well only after a while..i have lost count of the number of times we have made fun of you for the "ya?" you say whenever you answer the phone...n im tellin you kripal looks like a sankalp

i love you guys n im still waiting for my treat you ungrateful @$%&^*#....:P:P

the rest for you mere mortals- i remember all the times the entire class used to hang out together...miss those days but i guess that was bound to happen!

chillam-damnit buy your own food!!!you mean, insulting, ungrateful, young boy...oh and im really sorry for assaulting you.....hehehe

the menons- i like the menons...he dances with us.

henna- im not going to use the "P" word to describe you...thanks a lot for helping us out in marketing n i hope you remember the promise you made me in kerala.....

vaidehi- Got to know you only after kerala...din know you talk so much!!!hahahaa

amogh- i cant find the words to describe you..all the superlatives i use would stil fall short of describing you........:):):)

and the rest of you....bhattu, rash, bharati, nishit,vineet,munch, prerna, tasha,vibha,kanchan......im sure im missing sum names...i know things havent been the same but trust me, no hard feelings at all....i love you all.....n im looking forward to working with you guys in the next sem...!

2008-03-25T21:32:00.004+05:30

damnit another tagged response!!ten things i hate........

1) sweet stuff: i cant eat or drink anything that is too sweet.pls refer to the other tagged response for more coz im too bored to explain further....

2) gajar ka halwa and jalebi: i know this falls in the same category as (1) but it still deserves a special mention.one look at these two things is enough to make me wanna puke...

3) taxis: someone pls tell me why ricks are not allowed beyond bandra.taxis are just no match for those magical three wheelers.i always feel claustrophobic in a cab.

4) insects: god's most meaningless creation!!! how i hate these yucky creatures(actually its more of fear...hehehe)!!i wish avery single one of them would just die die die.

5) fake accents: whats with salman khan and his aussie+texan+indian +martian=?accent........aaarrrggghhhhhhhhh.......hate it!

6) Mornings- Im just not a morning person. I dont understand how people can be all chirpy n bubbly in the mornings.

7) Reliance- wasnt my previous rant enough for you?

8) Doctors- I dont really hate doctors per say... Its just that i'm not really fond of going to doctors because of the medicines they give n also coz im a retard n i feel goin to docs just makes you a panzy........hehehe.....oh btw i like injections...im a wee bit psychotic..does that explain my behaviour?

9) colgate: ok now im just running out of things that i hate...so im including random things in this list...

10) tagged: being made to write ten things i hate!!! :P:P:P

meaningless rant

2008-03-23T23:23:00.005+05:30

i found a new hobby...calling the @#$%^$$#@%# at reliance and yelling at them. it takes me like a million years to get internet connection on my laptop and not surprisingly it takes a minute after that to get disconected.its sooooooooooooo pissing off....sometimes i wish i was a donkey(pls refer to donkey love). i have called up reliance so many times coz of this i think i know the name of all their call centre employees. speaking of call centre employees, most of the times i cant even understand what the hell those guys are talking!!so i call up their help line n yell my heart and soul out at some guy and tell him i want to speak to his senior. now there is actually no point doing this coz the senior dude is going to say the same thing(sorry maam we seem to be having network problems blah blah). but i still do it! and then i proceed to yell my lungs and kindeys out this time at the senior guy. he of course apologies and shit and then comes up with a gem,"maam here is the email id of my senior.pls send him a mail." well, dumbass how the hell am i supposed to send anyone a mail without connection?!?!
I think i have started enjoying this now. i call them up and yell even if im not using the internet just for fun! they seem to be getting smarter these days though. they dont transfer me to their senior any more. im pretty sure, if possible, they will try to block my calls very soon.
the rant ends here. i have to study. acha ok bye

2008-03-19T23:28:00.004+05:30

whats with guys and denying that they gossip too?what they do is called "discussing important events in others people's lives behind their backs."c'mon we all know that every human being alive on earth gossips....its just that the levels vary...
level 1: do you think she has a crush on him?? do you think he likes her or is he just flirting?she is a bitch.
level 2: they are dating!!i always knew they had feeling for each other.....i dont know why they didnt tell us......she is a bitch.
level 3: is that a hickey??dude that guy is one heck of a player!!!she is a bitch.
level 4: how far do you think they have gone??they slept together didnt they?? she is a bitch.

donkey love

2008-03-19T22:33:00.003+05:30

i like donkeys. i'm talking about the four legged ones and not the human ones. have you ever seen a donkey near a pavement? it is just THERE..oblivious to the world around it. it seems to be at peace with itself and everyone around. it can just stand there for hours without moving a muscle. its the kind of peace and solitude that us earthlings have always searched for.. oh and the best part, they can kick you if you piss them off! i have always wanted to do that.....unlike cows they dont have that disgusting, sticky thing(a thousand apologies...i cant remember the word im looking for!) hanging from their nose and mouth. and horses are just plain arrogant with their nice gait n shit...but donkeys..these poor, humble, not-so-good looking creatures just mind their own business

.......and you call donkeys stupid! shame on you!

tagged

2008-03-11T18:50:00.000+05:30

this is in response to tanmay's post...6 quirks/habits of mine....

1) I make funny faces everytime i take the first bite/sip of whatever i'm eating/drinking. Looli actually filmed me drinking water because i refused to believe her when she told me this. I was made to eat humble pie(yes i made my funny face again!).

2) I love travelling by rickshaws that play reaaaaaaaaaally sad c-grade songs from Bhojpuri movies. Actually i dont mind listening to any musi(yes amogh trance included!) in a rick. You will actually see me grooving to the music!! I dunno what it is about those wonderful three wheelers..

3) I complain miserably if what im drinking is too sweet. ask amogh or sharu...:) my list of sweet drinks includes tea(sugarwater....sheesh!!), frooti, mazaa....... I HAVE to drink coffee with just the perfect amount of sugar in it or sugar free.

4) I mess up the lyrics of EVERY song i sing. I just cant seem to remember them so i just put in random words that pop into my head. Toh phir ta hoon main london, paris, newyork....er...mumbai?delhi?
Oh and the best part, the menons n me keep singing bohemian raphsody together in different pitches n tunes...untill we were banned from singing that song...so we switched to hey jude...:)

5) As a kid, i refused to wear clothes(that phase has thankfully come to an end!). A second after my mother used to dress me up in those little floral frocks, i ripped them apart(not literally).

6) I hate saying good morning. I'm all sleepy and groggy in the morning and then some annoying soul with an even more annoying smile will come and say good morning(I wonder whats so good about his morning...). And im obilgated to reply so i just wave my hand cause it too much of an effort to open my mouth. Oh and i have no problems saying good night/evening/afternoon.

some more words

2008-03-10T23:48:00.000+05:30

so words seem to be the flavour du jour....sharanya, amogh n now me......only difference being most of these words have been made by me...:)

DISCLAIMER: do not ask for the point/logic/usage of these words

blukbluk- the sound bubbles make..dont ask me its usage in a sentence but its a lotta fun making that sound!!!

phudphud- a different way to pronounce purple.....got bored saying purple...ya i know that makes no sense...but what the heck!!

godify- murdering the word deitify

dobu/dibu- this ones my favourite! praCChi's new OFFICIAL name. I cant explain the origins of this word. but anyone who knows dobu will understand why i call her this.

Blah Again.

2008-03-10T23:28:00.000+05:30

I am talentless. I can’t sing. I can’t dance. Actually I can dance. But my dance seems more like I’m trying to defy gravity. I think I inherited this from my father. The only difference being, he attempts to defy gravity, time and space all at once! As for singing, being a good little south Indian (formerly atleast!) I learnt Carnatic music briefly. When I ran out of excuses for not going, I decided to ‘officially’ quit. Not that I’m here to complain about my lack of any talent whatsoever. Au contraire, I see it as a blessing. Can you imagine what it feels like to go to random people’s houses and on request sing/dance there? You are just reduced to being an exhibitionist (ahem….or maybe not!)

Example: Mr. X, Mrs. X and Beta x had come home the other day. Superson Beta x sadly was a good singer. Needless to say, as soon as my family found out about it (not that finding out about that was difficult since Mr. X and Mrs. X did of course drop such obvious hints you would have been a idiot not to notice) Beta x was forced to sing. And sing he did! Which song you ask? Poor lil Beta x was made to sing every blessed song besides the national anthem (thank the lord for those small mercies)! Mr. X and Mrs. X’s faces were beaming so radiantly with pride that I had to shut my eyes to prevent permanent damage. Surprisingly, my family seemed immune to their abnormal bioluminescence since they were deeply engrossed in the music (No, they didn’t pull out any lighters, it was more of head shaking). And all throughout this musical extravaganza, Beta x was squirming with embarrassment at all the attention he was getting.

Now don’t get me wrong! I’m for singing and head shaking or whatever, but when I have something important to do, I don’t like people intruding and sticking their asses on my couch for hours together (In this case, the important thing to do was watch filmfare..hehehe!). All my puppy dog faces, scowls and grunts were completely ignored and to make maters worse Khandan X were forced to have dinner at home. And the embarrassemt didnt end there for Beta x. Stories were excavated from the dungeons of his life, turned, twisted and narrated like they had all happened yesterday. My heart goes out to all you talented blokes out there who have to give display their skills wherever you go. Actually, I would love it if some ignorant chap, who has never heard me sing, asks for a performance. I’d love to see the look on his face when I break into, “Meri pant bhi sexy, meri shirt bhi sexy….!”

Blah.

2008-03-10T23:27:00.000+05:30

I hate marriages. Now wait! Before you can bombard me with the whole sacred-institution-of-matrimony discourse let me clarify. Its not marriages I have a problem with, it is more the aunt infestation I’m likely to encounter there that creeps me out. No, I said aunt infestation, not ant infestation! Allow me to explain..

I was at a random relative’s wedding. From a distance, I saw aunt no. 123 of mine coming charging towards me. I said my prayers and braced myself for the onslaught that was soon to follow. “Oh!! You look so thin!!” she said. “Nice meeting you too,” I replied wryly. Has it ever occurred to her that SHE might be fat and that’s why I APPEAR thin? I toyed with the idea of calling her fat for a while as she rambled on about me looking like a starved Somalian refugee but then decided to let it pass. Just then, she was interjected by aunt no. 198 who felt it was her moral duty to tell me that I had grown since she had last seen me, which was probably like a million years ago!! “You were so small when I saw you the last time. Now you are so big!” Well correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t that how the life cycle proceeds?

What’s worse than one rambling aunt you ask? How about two aunts rambling at the same time!! Well after 19 minutes and 20 seconds (yes, I was actually counting seconds!) the Gods decided to show me some mercy and the rambling twosome decided that they had tortured this poor, hapless, thin child sufficiently and went on the look out for another victim. Without wasting a second, I ran for my life. I cowered down in one corner of the hall hoping and praying that I had managed to escape the aunt-radar.

Oh but no, the ordeal sadly continued. The Gods really do hate me!! Out sprang aunt no. 238 out of nowhere and smilingly asked, “Do you know who I am?” Oh! I know the answer to this one, I said triumphantly. “You are my mother’s-brother’s-wife’s-second cousin’s-husband’s neighbour.” “No, no darling!” she replied looking at me disapprovingly. “I’m your mother’s-brother’s-wife’s-second cousin’s-husband’s-neighbour’s third cousin.” Third cousin! You mean there is actually something like that? That was followed by a never ending lecture on the importance of knowing your relatives. Oh and to rub salt on my wounds, the food at the wedding tasted like horse poop!

And if you still don’t sympathize with me, let me tell you that this isn’t a one off incident. It is more of a ritual followed by all aunts at every wedding I attend. Yes that’s right! From aunt no 1 to aunt no 420! You might ask me a logical, rational explanation for their behaviour. The only explanation I can find, are in the words of a certain Mr. Bertram Wooster who remarked, “Aunts aren’t gentlemen!”